To say I’ve been busy these past two weeks would be an understatement. I’ve been trying to juggle work, getting everything in order for nursing school in the fall along with giving my friends and family the love and attention they so rightly deserve. Now, I know a hectic schedule is the norm for some folks out there, but this is just unnatural for someone like me. You all know I enjoy my naps. And in addition to one of my favorite past-times, I like relaxing, taking it easy and sometimes I enjoy sitting still and just doing nothing at all.
When I actually have things to do of course I’m not too crazy about it. I’m having to prioritize and organize when I’m the type who likes to go with the flow. Even in the midst of “chaos”, I can see the light. Yes, some of the moves I’m preparing to make now will most certainly benefit me in the long run but the light I’m referring to is the shift I’ve started to notice within myself. For years, when I had a lot on my plate and things to get down, I would get overwhelmed. I really didn’t know how to handle the added stress. I would go into hermit mode until I got everything sorted out. I would do the same when I was dealing with personal issues as I didn’t want to involve innocent bystanders into my problems. I already had some introverted tendencies, and I just withdrew on top of that. Days, weeks, and maybe months would go by before some people even heard from me.
Of course this is no way to live. In a twisted way I thought I was doing everyone a favor keeping them away until I got myself together when all I was really doing was perpetuating a negative cycle. I was closed off and pushing away those who care about me and would be understanding of what I was going through had I been open enough to mention it to them instead of pulling a Houdini. It’s taken some time, but I’ve finally realized that the people in my circle love me and only want the best for me.
Even though I have a lot on my plate now, I refuse to get back into old habits. I’ve gladly let them go. Perhaps it would have been nice to have done this ages ago, but where would have been the valuable lessons in that?