We’re our own biggest enemy sometimes. We tend to doubt, question and go harder on ourselves more than any other human being, and then have the nerve to wonder why our confidence levels take the brutal hit that they do. I am no different. You can tell me I’m an intelligent, inspiring, go-getter all you want, but until I know and believe it, your words don’t mean a thing.
Like you, I’ve been on Cloud 9 at times, and others not so much. Confidence in myself, along with my trust and faith has waned at times, especially in times of uncertainty. In the past year alone, I decided to launch a blog, where as a self-proclaimed introvert, I decide to put myself out there. I decided to quit a full-time job, where while it wasn’t the happiest place on earth, it provided a a steady paycheck and flexibility for nursing school. Nursing school isn’t bad, but uh, your girl just kind of went for it without a backup plan for when her original plan to support herself in school didn’t pan out as expected. However. with some patience, faith in God and trusting in the process I was able to push forward.
Now, with that being said, here I am today. While I’m happy, I am still trying to get out my head and out of my own way. See, I got a job recently, and it’s one I look forward to starting. I’ll be working for a local non-profit, dealing children and families. It’s an unconventional position in a sense, but still. I get to help others, it fits around my school schedule, and it’ll take care of my expenses so it’s right up my alley. It’s still unconventional, though. Well, at least for a nursing student. I’m not in anyone’s hospital or nursing home. That may be where the conflict lies, my friends. I’m not doing typical nursing student stuff. I’ve sort of branched out and did my own thing.
In all honesty, I’m relieved I didn’t get that job at the hospital. I think I applied because I needed a job, and it seemed like the job I was supposed to go for to ensure that coveted hospital job once I graduate. There’s nothing wrong with hospitals but deep down, I think my passion when in comes to nursing, is in Community and Public Health. Sounds noble enough, but your girl is rustling up the confidence to walk in her truth. I have a few more months to go and I already question if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m on the right path. Even where I share my goals, it’s suggested that I go to a hospital just to get that experience anyway. Sure, it may pay more right off the bat, but that is neither my care or concern at this moment. I know that I will always be supported and provided for (still accepting this).
I just need to realize that regardless of everyone’s opinions and what they think I should be doing, that I need to do what’s best for me. We all have our purpose in life and how we choose to fulfill it may not be considered the norm. We should follow our dreams, knowing that if it couldn’t be done, the idea wouldn’t have came into our heads and our hearts in the first place, that certain opportunities wouldn’t be presenting themselves the way they are, and we woudln’t be ignoring the signs that tell us, our life is slowly but surely coming full circle in the most miraculous of ways. So push forward without feeling the need to explain what you’re doing and why you feel the need to do it. Have confidence in all and anything you may do.